First blog post

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This is for you

I know that the world feels a little bit smaller for you, I know that you feel even more alone when you are in the crowd.

I know that you’re hurting.

There’s nothing I would love to do right now than to reach through and give you a hug just to assure you that everything will be alright.

They say that sadness is the absence of happiness and since she was taken away from you the world has been the most lonely place.

Right now life has given you several blows on your face, and just when about to stand adds another hit on your stomach reminding you how much your lungs loved the warmth of her embrace.

Every time you take a pen and try to write a letter to her because you are so afraid that instead you will start drawing her face and realize how much you miss her you draw prisms and stars.

When you’re with your friends you bite off your tongue and swallow it so that you cannot yell out her name.

No matter how wide you will stretch your fingers they can never be long enough to catch your pain and there are days when you will open your hands receive but only end up with blisters.

I know this because I’ve been through it, I understand your pain and the emptiness inside your heart.

I know you had this whole idea of how your life would be with her.

But she was gone too soon and may her soul rest in peace.

Even if you have all this people in your life that love you, it feels so much better to have one person who knows and loves you.

I know you would give absolutely anything to change all this.

But one day you’ll go to the abyss and set up a camp with a white flag surrendering yourself to who you are and the situations you can’t change and other people in the abyss are going to see that flag and you will help them surrender to who they are.

You might not feel this right now but I love you and you are loved.

So long.

Hello vengeance

As much as it’s evil I’ll be correct to say that there’s no greater feeling than the satisfaction of a successful revenge.

Looking at the person who never saw your worth beg for your attention couldn’t be even more profound.

But deep down when you’re alone you know that it hurts, you know that you’d give up anything to be with this person even if he doesn’t respect you.

Most of the time the silent pain of emotional withholding is what fuels us to seek for revenge.

I have also been through this at one point in my life and came to realization that it’s not worth.

Revenge is a very human response to feeling slighted and we are very atrocious to knowing it’s effects, nothing comes free in this world and so in exchange for gratification there is a price you will have to pay.

If you become an ex who is purposed to make your ex or partner suffer You find that you’ll never move on but keep on dwelling on the same situation and there on remaining unhappy and less benevolent.

Do not waste your tears and sacrifice your kindness on a person who doesn’t deserve, don’t let your smile and joy fade away.

Do not seek sympathy on sad songs and mad songs.

Keep your head high, go out with your peers live a life that you deserve because if he doesn’t respect you he doesn’t value you.

Let us all love and respect ourselves enough to let go and leave people who don’t respect us. One day you’ll thank God for purging out some people in your life

Love addicted

I’m sick of being sick of love. My heart has always been intertwined in its harmony. I’m either too good, too kind too understanding, too generous or too loving which is most of the time unrequited.

It’s a sad thing how you can get hurt so much until you say you are used to it and there can be no more pain but more love.

When I was growing up nobody cared to explain to me what really love is. Nobody ever told me that love is the greatest sacrifice, or the most evil thing that can easily change one to a psycho, or the most hurtful thing in the world.

I grew up drenched in fantasy hues but now the world has served me a plate of reality.

I have given my heart severally and all those times_ I have lost, trusted easily and hurt at the end, I have been kind and generous but instead confused for weakness, I’m still hopeful that one day I will have my Romeo.

Everyone is in a relationship to be happy, to love and be loved, to laugh and make good memories not to constantly be hurt or cry, but this is sometimes inevitable when we fall for the wrong person.

I have met all sorts and kind of men, but it is devastating when you get a partner who is dealing with different types of addictions. The manipulation, the guilt. It brings destruction and breakage and sometimes it can even destroy you.

When you show too much love to this kind of person it’s like you immediately fuel them to do all the wrong things, you find yourself saying yes when you know that, that yes will destroy you, lying to protect then and having your body turn cold from the thought of being with them. You dread seeing them when you have to see them. All at once.

It was a long excruciating road before I realized I was compromising too much and there’s nothing I could do to help. It was exhausting, heartbreaking and the pain of their self- destruction pressing relentlessly and permanently against me was too much I could not take.

I feel regularly as though I have nothing else to give him, with all my combined strength, love and unfailing will to help him, his time is not yet.

I realized a while ago that I couldn’t ride on the passengers seat with someone at the wheel who was on an undying path of self destruction.

What I do know is that when he is ready to have a change of heart and direction, I’ll be there, right to support him. He will have an army of people behind him but I will be by his side to walk on the recuperation road with him but until then.

I am powerless and hope to venture into something that matters more and appreciates my worth.

The Kind Of Love That Every Person Deserves

You deserve someone who does not only make you feel better, but makes you want to be better. He supports you and your goals. He’d listen to you blabber about your studies like it’s the most interesting topic in the world. When you’re about to give up, he’d be your cheerleader. He would keep you motivated all the way.

You deserve someone who is utterly obsessed with you. He would randomly place notes in between book pages because he knows it would make you smile. He would call you at 2am just to tell you he wants to hear your voice. He would drive for 3 hours just to see you for an hour because he misses you. He would send you peonies because he knows you love them. He would text you good morning not because he feels obligated to do so, but because you’re the first thing on his mind from the moment he wakes up.

You deserve to be treated like a choice, not an option. You are not someone’s “maybe.” He would treat you like a priority. He would love you consistently. He would always be there especially whenever you need him. He would make an effort to be with you. He would show you that you are his one and only

A Good Man Is The Most Difficult Kind Of Man To Love

It is a hard thing to love a good man. A good man is not a nice man – he does not do things to be nice, he does things because he has a moral code, a set of values he prioritizes and will always do his best to make sure that his actions are in line with his own personal standards. A good man will not do the easy thing or the convenient thing, or even the thing that he wants to do; he will do what he knows to be the good thing.

He will never lie to you to spare your feelings or attend something because social constructs deem it the courteous or polite course of action, and he will in fact do many things that anger and frustrate you. But you cannot get mad at him, because after all, he is a good man.

A good man is the man who will take his ex-girlfriends call while he’s with you, because he knows that she has anxiety and would only ever call in an emergency, and he is obligated as a good man to do whatever he can to help even when it makes those around him uncomfortable.

A good man will put the wants of friends and family before his own needs, even when he recognizes that his friends and family are being manipulative or selfish, because a good man is always loyal. Worst of all, a good man will believe that his unflinching honesty about not wanting a relationship will negate his increasingly relationship-like actions, the kind of thoughtful deeds that a good man would deem necessary in any and all interactions with a female, despite the confusion they would cause.

 Letter To The Person Who Didn’t Give Me The Love That I Deserve

I guess no answer is answer enough. I’m not important enough to warrant a simple, quick text saying you’re not up for hanging out? I’m not important enough to stick around and wonder where this is going, because the answer is clearly a resounding “nowhere.” It echoes off the walls built by the silence you have placed between us so many weeks ago now. I’m done waiting for a response, convincing myself that somewhere—even in the far back of your mind—is a thought of me that will ring through as if someone tapped a fingernail on a crystal glass. A clear sound to ripple to the front of your consciousness and remind you I’m standing by… but I’ll stand by no more.

I deserve to be happy… but so do you. Waiting around for something to never happen only promotes the stagnation of life, progression—it halts the future and what it has in store. What so many others our age forget to remember is this: love isn’t simply choosing to spend your life with someone. It is waking up every day and making the daily choice to spend the rest of your life with them. Love isn’t passive, it’s an action—a daily choice. It’s perpetual.

But the most important kind of love is the kind we most often neglect: self love. I gave that up in my desperate search for love from you, and I lost sight of who I am and what makes me happy. So instead of sitting around waiting for a text from you that will probably never come, I’m choosing myself every day. To wake up and remind myself that I am strong, and worthy of being loved the way I wanted to love you. Someday, I will get that kind of love from another person, someone capable of allowing me to love them.


(Photo: courtesy of whisper.sh)

Just look into my eyes, wrap your warm hands around my heart and tell me the pretty little lies.

You tell me you love me, I feel the uncertainty in your words but I don’t really care if it’s fake.

The feelings I have for you are so strong … I can’t imagine being without you.

When I am with you I am in my mind, but when you go, I get out of my mind. I don’t want you to leave; stay and tell me the sweet lies that give me butterflies.

Your expectations are so high but I always keep on trying, and trying extra hard because I don’t want to loose you.

I sit in the corner of our house and think about your lies. I have nothing else to do than to break and cry.

The way you love me and care about me is just an illusion that I wish would come to reality.

I don’t have the strength to leave because I still cling on to hope that one day you will look at me and confess how you can’t live without me, I hope that one day you’ll break out in tears and beg for my love.

You always have a way of twisting your lies, me being naive you make me fall innocently into them.

You don’t like confrontation, every time we try, there’s gravel in our voices and in the tug of war hell breaks loose.

You’ll always win even when I am right because you feed me fables from your hand, with violent words and empty threats.

It’s sick that all these battles are what keeps me satisfied.

Catching you lie is not what makes our relationship successful but understanding why you do so; without feeling bad.

Now the time has come.

There you are giving me countless reasons, opening your hurt and being vulnerable before me, my wish is just to see through your eyes if you are being sincere.

I would like to believe you but you have lied far too many times.

My time has come and yours has passed. You knew that I would leave, you knew it would die, you knew that it was breaking me and you still continued with your lies.

You shall hate to see me leave, I don’t care if you’ll burn the house to ashes, I don’t mind seeing you loath on the floor with tears.

I won’t call you perfect, a lie is never a compliment. You are an erratic, you are damaged and an insecure mess.

I don’t advocate violence, its time for me to leave so that you can mend your broken bridges.

All this and enough said, you are still my hero even if you have lost your mind.

I still love the way you lie.

Lying in a relationship is so common and difficult to detect. It’s no easier to tell if a stranger is lying than if your partner is. Do not stay in a violent relationship. A successful relationship should be founded on trust and honesty no matter how ugly.